Music has its way of throwing your emotions around when you hear a particular song. One can go from feeling carefree and just driving down the highway- hand out the window, then, that song comes on the radio. The indices of the song suddenly remind her of a past situation, and before she knows it, she is rolling up the window while simultaneously swallowing her tears. For me, there are two songs that do just that. The songs "How to Save a Life" and "Fix You" by The Fray and Coldplay are indexical pieces of music in reminding me of a friend and our story.
My best friend went into a rapid depression. Her family and friends both avoided her. She just went through an abusive relationship with her now ex-boyfriend, and she also stood on horrible terms with her father due to problems one never wants to hear about. Day in and day out she would text me about her problems of the day and her lack of enthusiasm for life. I never knew if she went through all that she said she did, solely because she slowly started becoming a compulsive liar to me. She knew where I stood on her drug use and she knew her stories made me upset so she would stop telling me the truth. No one person will ever understand the pain I went through on a daily worrying about her health and safety.
The problem was, she never straight up told me she wanted to physically hurt herself. She mentioned once or twice she considered becoming suicidal, but could never bring herself to do it. She emphasized on how she could never physically hurt herself. With that being said, I was too scared to go to an adult, never actually knowing how serious the situation was or was not. Of course, there was still that constant worry. I felt my words of advice lacked any meaning to her, she became so hard headed that everything I said got shot down. I became repetitive with my words; one can only tell a person to stay strong with her faith so many times. I still did not give up. I fought for her as much as she let me. Nothing in this world held the power to stop me from bringing her back.
Eventually we slowly stopped talking. I do not know how or when that happened, but we just went a month or so without a word. I remember trying to contact her; I called her phone multiple times and got no response. I contacted her mother and she gave me a vague reply that my best friend was doing just fine. Of course it worried me, but I held no choice but to stop trying to get ahold of her.
Eventually we slowly stopped talking. I do not know how or when that happened, but we just went a month or so without a word. I remember trying to contact her; I called her phone multiple times and got no response. I contacted her mother and she gave me a vague reply that my best friend was doing just fine. Of course it worried me, but I held no choice but to stop trying to get ahold of her.
One day, I received a text from her while out with my friends. It existed as a long explanation of where she had been and what she was up to. She explained how she got help; she informed me she started seeing a psychiatrist and going to family counseling. She felt happier than ever and on the road back to her normal self. These words existed at the end of her text, “You are the reason I am here today. You saved my life.”
With that story being told, one can understand the emotional meaning those songs hold to me. The songs, existing as signs, then turn into the object, which would be me recalling a moment in my life when I was in constant worry for someone I cared for deeply. Acting as an interpretant, hearing those pieces of music instantly effect me in a tear-jerking way, no matter my current mood. The story of my friendship with her reminds me how people never know when others are hanging onto the words being said to them with all their might; one never knows others might truly depend on that person to get them through to the next day. Life is simply fragile.
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